Pros and Cons of Self-Matching

Self-matching can be challenging in many ways. I personally went through an independent journey where we decided to self-match, and while it turned out well for us, that isn’t always the case. We missed many crucial steps that we didn’t realize were required, because we had no experience. When intended parents and gestational carriers self-match and have no guidance from an agency or professional, it can complicate things.  It is difficult to know how to navigate the complex process of surrogacy, especially if you have never been through it before. It is a much smoother process with the use of an agency.

Pros of Self-Matching

Less Expensive

Typically, it is less expensive to self-match without the use of an agency as you won’t be paying the agency fees. Some agencies, such as ours, have concierge services for those who self-match and still want to use an agency. The fees are less in that situation as you have found the match yourself. If you choose not to go with an agency, then it is a savings as you do not have to pay an agency fee. It is a misconception, though, that self matches are miraculously cheaper. All other expenses still exist. You are simply saving on the agency fee.

Matching with Friend/Relative

You might self-match with someone you know such as a friend or family member! This is a pro because you know the other party, which might feel better than working with someone new that you have met through an agency. Going through a surrogacy journey with someone you know personally can make things even more special sometimes.

Cons of Self-Matching

Less Costly but Less Quality

While it may be cheaper, you may not be getting the most quality surrogate.  Agencies know the strict criteria of many clinics and use them to screen surrogates. If you choose to self-match and choose not to use an agency, then there is a higher chance your surrogate may not pass medical screening or even medical record clearance. Without an agency, you wouldn’t know what to look for.

Dealing with Conflict

Self-matching with someone you know can go wonderfully but it also can be problematic. There can be conflicts that come up that you may not be prepared for. For instance, the discussion of how much compensation the gestational surrogate will receive. Most intended parents want to be fair without having to completely break the bank. If the friend wanted significantly more than what you were willing to pay for compensation as an intended parent that would be a strain on your friendship as well. If you have no agency as your mediator to help work through that conflict, then you have to on your own. Financial conversations are always hard to have and having a third party to help handle those hard conversations is extremely helpful.

Handling all paperwork yourself

There is a great deal of paperwork that comes with the surrogacy journey. If you self-match it can be very difficult to keep up with the many things you will need to track of throughout the journey.  For instance, the gestational surrogate will have to keep all of her medical bills for the pregnancy and submit those to an escrow company. All the reimbursement or disbursements that are submitted have to be done by the gestational surrogate. This is a lot of stress on the surrogate and that is why at our agency we submit all those things to escrow for them! We also keep track of all the other paperwork that is needed throughout the journey.

It is important to remember, even when self-matching you should make sure you and your gestational surrogate have separate attorneys representing you for the legal contract. Also remember that an escrow account should be established to hold the funds and disburse them as required per the contract to the surrogate. It is also crucial to make sure the gestational surrogate lives in a surrogacy friendly pre-birth order state.

You really should weigh the pros and cons with self-matching. Make the best decision for yourself and your potential surrogate. We urge you, if you choose to self-match, to use an agency that offers concierge services, that way you have a third party professional who can help you manage this complex journey. If you would like to self-match and would like to learn more about our concierge services at Bright Futures Families, please click here.