Preparing for a Surrogacy Match Meeting: Tips to Calm Your Nerves
The surrogacy journey is an incredibly special and life-changing experience — one that can bring a sense of excitement, hope, and anticipation. However, it's completely understandable to feel a little nervous before your surrogacy match meeting. Whether you're a surrogate or an intended parent, this meeting represents a pivotal moment in the process. It’s the first step in building a connection with someone who will play a crucial role in your journey, and nerves are natural.
If you're feeling anxious about the meeting, you're not alone. The good news is that there are several ways to calm your nerves and approach the meeting with confidence. Here are some tips to help you feel more prepared and at ease as you get ready for this important moment.
1. Take Time to Reflect and Clarify Your Intentions
Before the match meeting, take some time to reflect on why you’re entering this journey. Whether you're an intended parent or a surrogate, understanding your own motivations and goals will help you feel more grounded.
For Surrogates: Reflect on why you want to help another family grow. Think about your reasons for becoming a surrogate and what kind of relationship you want to have with the intended parents. This clarity can guide your thoughts and actions during the meeting.
For Intended Parents: Consider what you want from the surrogacy journey and what values are most important to you in a surrogate. What are your hopes for the relationship you’ll build? Having clear intentions will give you confidence and direction as you approach the conversation.
When you know your “why,” it becomes easier to engage with others in a more authentic way.
2. Understand That It's a Two-Way Conversation
A common cause of nervousness is the misconception that the match meeting is an interview where you're being evaluated. In reality, it’s a two-way conversation designed for both sides to get to know each other better.
As an intended parent, you’re not just looking for someone who can carry your child — you’re looking for someone whose values align with yours and who feels comfortable in the role of surrogate. Likewise, as a surrogate, you're looking for intended parents who are respectful, communicative, and share similar expectations for the journey.
Approach the meeting as an opportunity to have a candid, open dialogue. Instead of worrying about impressing the other person, focus on building a connection and understanding each other’s needs, hopes, and boundaries. It’s not about perfection; it’s about compatibility.
3. Practice Relaxation Techniques
When nerves start to take over, it can be helpful to practice relaxation techniques before the meeting. Even a few minutes of mindful breathing can have a significant impact on your stress levels and mental clarity.
Here are a few techniques to try before your meeting:
Deep Breathing: Close your eyes and take a deep breath in for a count of four, hold for four, and exhale slowly for a count of four. Repeat this for several breaths until you feel calmer.
Visualization: Imagine yourself in a calm, positive meeting. Picture yourself speaking confidently, feeling at ease, and the conversation going smoothly. This mental preparation can make a big difference in how you approach the actual meeting.
These techniques are simple but effective ways to reduce anxiety and center yourself before the meeting.
4. Be Prepared, But Stay Flexible
Being well-prepared can give you a sense of control, which can help calm your nerves. However, it’s also important to remain flexible and open-minded during the meeting. This isn’t a rigid, scripted encounter; it’s about seeing if you and the other party are a good match for the surrogacy process.
Prepare questions: Think of a few important questions you’d like to ask to get to know the other person better. For example, surrogates might ask about the intended parents' lifestyle and parenting philosophies, while intended parents might ask about the surrogate’s health and previous experiences.
Prepare yourself to listen: Remember, the meeting is a conversation, not a one-sided discussion. Be prepared to listen actively and thoughtfully to what the other person has to say, which will help you learn more about their expectations and values.
By preparing ahead but staying open to the flow of conversation, you’ll be able to handle unexpected moments with grace and ease.
5. Lean on Your Support System
The surrogacy journey can feel overwhelming at times, and it’s important to lean on your support system. Whether you have a partner, close friends, or family members who understand the process, talking to them before the match meeting can help calm your nerves.
For Surrogates: You might want to chat with another surrogate who has been through the process before, or with your support coordinator or agency. They can provide guidance and reassurance.
For Intended Parents: Talking to someone who has been through surrogacy can help ease your anxiety and give you a clearer sense of what to expect.
Having a strong support system in place provides emotional grounding and helps you feel less isolated as you take these important steps.
6. Environment
Ensure that your environment is tidy and professional. Present yourself as you would for a job interview (even though the match meeting isn’t one!)—dressed appropriately, in a quiet, organized space, free from distractions. Just as you wouldn't attend a job interview in pajamas, with children running around, or from your bed, the same standard should apply to any first professional interaction.
Conclusion
It’s normal to feel nervous before a surrogacy match meeting — it’s a big step in an incredibly meaningful process. But with a little preparation and the right mindset, you can approach the meeting with confidence and calm. Remember, this is an opportunity to connect with someone who will play a key role in a life-changing journey, and both parties want the same thing: a positive, successful surrogacy experience.
By reflecting on your motivations, practicing relaxation techniques, staying flexible, and leaning on your support system, you can manage your nerves and focus on what matters most — building a strong and respectful partnership with your match. Have more questions about match meetings and how they go? Don’t hesitate to reach out to us here!