5 Mythbusters for Intended Parents

A surrogacy journey is an emotional process and can bring up a lot of questions. And while the internet is a great source of information, it’s not always accurate. Here are the top 5 myths we see perpetuated about surrogacy and the real truth!

Myth: When intended parents and their surrogate have a very close friendship or family relationship, they can share the same attorney for the surrogacy contract.

Fact: Even when intended parents and their surrogate have known each other for a very long time, they still must have their own attorneys.  Many states where the Bright Futures Families group operates require two separate attorneys under state law. We also want to make sure that both parties have an honest opportunity to by represented and heard, especially when it comes to legal matters.

Myth: A surrogate is the legal mother of the child until birth and the intended parents must adopt the baby.

Fact: In most states, there is some sort of pre-birth or post-birth order process that allows the intended parents to become the legal parents without the requirement of an adoption.  This is true in all the states where Bright Futures Families finds surrogates.  Generally, the birth order is an easier process than an adoption, which is helpful to both surrogates and intended parents, who can then focus their attention on the new baby. The pre-birth or post-birth order process also means that the Intended Parents names are on the birth certificate not the surrogates (or her partner).

Myth: Several embryos will be transferred to the surrogate at once to increase the chances that the surrogate will become pregnant.

Fact: Surrogates and IPs agree upon the number of embryos that will be transferred. While it was more common practice even 5 years ago to transfer multiple embryos, many Reproductive Endocrinologists will no longer transfer more than one embryo unless a very special circumstance exists - and the surrogate agrees - because a pregnancy with multiples comes with increased risk to the surrogate and the fetuses.

Myth:  The surrogate will want to keep the baby.

Fact: I know this is the horror story everyone worries about, however this is not common especially when working with a reputable agency and clinic.  Both will have screened the surrogate and have precautions in place to help those scary situations not happen.  Part of the screening process for the surrogate is if she has given children up for adoption, if she has custody of her children or if she is done building her family. These are all things that can help intended parents feel more reassured that the surrogate will not want to keep the baby.  Many surrogates are done building their family, want to be pregnant again but in no way want to add to their family.  The goal is to help build another family.  Surrogates see this as long-term babysitting/growing and then giving baby back. Is there a bond? – yes!  But the gestational carrier knows from the beginning that this baby is not hers and is going home with intended parents. When you take your kids to daycare or school, they love your kids and help them, but they go home with you.  It’s very similar. The surrogate also wants to see your joy holding that baby and the baby to go home with you. For a little more reassurance; it has been over 30 years since the surrogate industry sprang up in the United States. During this 30-year history, over 23,000 gestational surrogate births occurred through reliable and legal surrogacy agencies. However, only 26 surrogate mothers changed their minds and wanted to keep the babies after pregnancy—the rate is only 0.1%. The surrogate contract strongly regulates the rights and custody of children.

Myth:  I can’t breastfeed my baby if he or she was born via surrogacy.

Fact: Don’t despair!  A lactation specialist can sometimes help intended mothers breastfeed their babies by prescribing the proper hormones and inducing lactation. As long as intended mothers put in the time and effort into inducing lactation, they frequently can successfully breastfeed their baby like any other mother.

Do you have any more burning questions about surrogacy? We’re happy to help! Make a free consultation with our team today!