What relationship will we have with the surrogate during and after the pregnancy?

Learn the answer to this week's user-submitted question about surrogacy in this week's installment of Ask a Surrogacy Expert! Have a question about surrogacy that you'd like answered? Submit it at https://www.brightfuturesfamilies.com/ask

Building a Relationship With Your Surrogate During and After Pregnancy

The relationship between intended parents and their surrogate is unique to each match. Early conversations about communication, boundaries, social media, appointments, and long-term expectations can help everyone feel comfortable and supported.

As the relationship develops, continue checking in and adjusting expectations. After delivery, make an intentional effort to nurture the connection while allowing it to evolve naturally.

Ready to change lives as a gestational carrier?

Transcript:

Hey everybody, this is Shira, your surrogacy bff coming to you with another ask question. Today's question is what kind of relationship will I have with my surrogate during and after the pregnancy? Honestly, the relationship that you build is all up to you and your surrogate. We encourage you to talk from the very beginning, from the very first match meeting, about what kind of relationship do you hope to have with her? How often do you want to talk? Do you hope to be close friends? Do you want to get your families together? Do you maybe just want to go to doctor's appointments or hear from her after appointments? Do you want to get in touch once a week? Do you prefer to keep your life separate and maybe just kind of keep things behind the scenes?

Do you want your surrogacy journey to be on social media? Then we always encourage you guys talk about what type of communication works best for you. Do you like texts, phone calls, emails? Are there times of day that are better for you to talk to your surrogate than others based on, like, prior commitments? How much contact is too much? So these are questions that we encourage you to talk about with your surrogate and check in with one another throughout the journey to see is what we had previously agreed upon still working for you? As the journey progresses, your relationship is going to develop organically. So what that means is that you know, you start off, you don't know each other. It's kind of like a blind date. Then it's the first coffee date and you warm up to one another.

You know, over time, as that goes, the most important thing you can do is communicate with one another. Because a surrogacy relationship is built on trust and honesty and communication. If there are ever any concerns, I should say we are here to support you through that or you don't know how to approach something, we can help you with that as your agency. So come to us, that's what we're here for. I will say that things are a little bit different during the pregnancy versus after baby is born. So, you know, during the pregnancy your focus is primarily on your surrogate and how is she doing, how is she feeling, how's the baby doing? But once baby is born, that focus shifts more towards the baby. So we do say make the effort to continue to nurture the relationship that you've had with your surrogate.

I mean, for the most part, you've been in your, in each other's lives for a good year, sometimes two years, you know, maybe more. And it's just because the focus is shifting and, you know, your priorities shift to the baby. You don't want to necessarily just drop the relationship. We do encourage you to maintain some kind of contact and again, let it happen organically. You don't have to say specifically, this is what I want, but. Or this is what we're going to do, but talk to one another about what you both want. Be open, be communicative, use us as your support, use us for help, and you're going to have an amazing journey. Good luck and good to talk to you. Bye. Bye.